I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
