i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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