I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
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