You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
