My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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