im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
