The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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