hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Randomize
