you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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