remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
