If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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