Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I forget how to act sober
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
