shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
