That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
