**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
