I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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