so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
