Barsexuality is the new black.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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