just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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