you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
