HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
