I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
