Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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