So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
