Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
