Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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