Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Randomize
