I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
