i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
