Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
