I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
