I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I intend to get homeless drunk
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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