oh god the rape fog is back!
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
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