Having a random hookup so left but love u
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
