we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
