The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
