I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
