Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
