whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
