i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
