I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Less talking, more tequila
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
