dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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