So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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