I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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