Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Randomize
