I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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