Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
