Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
