I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
