I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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