Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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