i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
