If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
