I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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